my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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