$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
