I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
