I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I have aggressive nipples.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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