theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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