I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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