We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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