so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
