I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
