i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
