Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
