Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
