You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize