I was born with a shot glass in my hand
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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