if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
My liver is preforming stress tests.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
