You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
