He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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