Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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