If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
