if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I wish you could order shots online.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
