The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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