I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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