I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
All the doctor said was why
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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