thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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