sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
