If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
