Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
