I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Randomize
