I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
