I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
