Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
