Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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