I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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