So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
