The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
