i think my tv is drunk
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
