phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
