I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
