I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I just found a bag of teeth...
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
