Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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