for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I think people are normalizing furries
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
