Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
