In the future we'll all be gay
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
