PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
