I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
