Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
