I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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