i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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