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I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I am full of burrito and curiosity
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
