Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
accomplished twins. life is a go
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
