I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
