my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
